A few weeks ago I was delighted - ok, SUPER ecstatic - to hear that one of my posts {My Top 10 Rules for Life} was going to be used as a teaching tool for a college class called Advanced Academic Achievement. It made me think about the other rules I apply to the different areas of my life. I have rules for everything and to some it may seem inflexible or rigid but to me it is freedom. My rules are rooted in self-respect, self-discipline and self-preservation. Or as I lovingly call them: the trifecta of personal power for all women. You can live on your own terms. I do. You set the standard high and work daily at not letting yourself down. I do this too. The same holds true for relationships; you have no control of other people but you can be conscious of how you conduct yourself with other people. Specifically with the person you love and with whom you share my life.
Herewith My Top 10 Rules for Awesome Relationships:
- Fix You. Take the time to figure yourself out and deal with your baggage. You are a grown up. You cannot use your relationships as a dumping ground for your neuroses. Take responsibility for you and fix what’s broken. Then go be awesome for yourself and for others.
- Be Nice. Seriously, can you we just be nicer to our significant others? Less sarcasm, judgement and measuring. More compassion.
- Nourish The Good. Too often we give all our energy to the negativity and stress of everyday circumstances and leave nothing or very little for the people we love. By nourishing the love in our loves we are strengthened and renewed for the challenges we face and we find that we are not in it alone.
- Stop Yourself. We’ve all gotten really good at saying things that injure very quickly. It is not a game to see who can say the most effective hurtful thing, it is cruelty and you needn’t participate in such games.
- Manners Please. Why do we stop using our manners with the people we love? Please, thank you, have a good day, sleep tight – all these courtesies still matter. They take the edge off the sharpest day and remind the other person that there is still respect.
- Respect Each Other As People. We’re all different, even the people closest to us. We don’t process or interpret things the same way. Our frame of reference for just about everything is different, so try really hard to remember that when you want people to see things your way. By taking just a second to consider this reality and letting it dictate the way you speak to people you will save yourself a lot of pointless arguments.
- Aim For Understanding. Being right is overrated, especially when we really just seek to be understood. The other person wants to acknowledged and understood, from there you should look for a really good compromise and move on. Does it ever really feel that good to be right?
- Get To Laughter Quickly. Communication carries energy in it. When an exchange isn’t going well or is harsh, start to laugh. It may throw off the other person but explain very quickly that you have no intention of sustaining a conversation that feels awful, there’s gotta be a way that you can talk things through. By then your biochemistry will have changed and you’ll be a better participant in the dialogue or even better you’ll both move on.
- Touch Often. Try to become a touchy feely person. Us Touchy-Feely people are healthier, happier and have less wrinkles. We all walk around with too many walls and filters around us – like little impenetrable force fields. Why block yourself off, when you can be hugging, cuddling, reassuring or loving??? We are meant to connect.
- Love Hard. Do not ration your love. Do not take moments for granted. Do not save I love you for later or the lazy assumption that the other person knows. Remind people they are adored, loved and needed. Be generous with praise, recognition and acknowledgement. Do not be stingy with your affection. Take an extra moment for that kiss and hug. Keep the love flowing back and forth. Don’t wait for it to come your way first. This applies to your relationship with YOU too! Be courageous enough to love hard.
- BONUS: Little Things Become Big Things. It is not the big things that destroy relationships. It is the accumulation of countless little things; the moments of missed kindness, forgotten consideration or disrespect. It happens when we don’t take that extra second for the one we love. The pause for the good morning, I love you or the kiss goodbye. The lost eye contact. Or the space you allow to come in between you. Too many of these micro aggressions add up to become one big problem. Be mindful of these little guys this will ultimately save your relationship.
love well
Light & Love,
Alicia.
p.s. If at the time of reading this you are not in a relationship, I would encourage you to apply these rules to your relationship with yourself. In fact I think you should get really good at all of these… for #6 respect yourself, for #9 give yourself a hug…generally treat yourself the way you want to be treated. You can set the new standard for your future relationships. I am certain that these rules will serve you very well. Love to you.xo
